Julie Adams

eharmony

Julia co-founded RookieMoms.com to inspire moms to have more fun after her own challenges with rookie motherhood. She is a professional project manager and management consultant when she’s not wiping butts and organizing the preschool potluck. Together with her BFF Whitney Moss, she also wrote The Rookie Moms

Posts (2)

by eharmony
Cool Guy: Attraction

  Published under copyright by Loveawake dating site. © Copyright 2009-2021. All rights reserved.   Q: Dear Eharmony, Generally, I tend to be kind of goofy and very friendly. This seems to attract a lot of people, but not the ones I'm interested in. When it comes to someone I'm attracted to, I become self conscious and even turn red. Then I forget to be myself most of the time. What can I do? Signed, Self-Seeker A: Dear Self-Seeker, When I received this question, I knew it was one all of us could relate to. We can be smart and funny and super cool around guys or girls who don't matter to us, and anything-but when within a one mile radius of someone who makes our heart beat faster.   If you're anything like Self-Seeker, you probably have wondered (while cursing your bad luck) why this happens to you — and most importantly, what can be done about it. Well take heart, my suddenly self-conscious friends — I've got the answers.   Blame it on Mother Nature   Though you may feel a bit freakish when your cheeks turn the color of ripe tomatoes, your words don't come out at all as you intended, and your typically bubbly personality turns into a dull fizz, the truth is, you're not alone. In fact, the majority of us, to some degree, lose our cool when the object of our affection is nearby. And it's to be expected, really. When the pressure's on, our body reacts differently than when we're at ease. The brain and body don't always synch up quickly, the adrenaline rushes in… and the sweat, unfortunately, comes pouring out. Have you considered that you maybe by attracted to the wrong people? How then, to control what you feel you have no control over? Well, the answer's not to put an extra coat of deodorant on (though that couldn't hurt matters). Instead, investigate ways to let your mind take over when your body is failing you. Depending on the severity of your problem, you may benefit from something as simple as deep-breathing techniques to calm you, or starting off your day with mediation, during which you can focus on remaining calm, cool, and collected in all situations (your mantra, of sorts). But that's just for the physical. It's the emotional aspect of what's going on when you're standing next to the guy or girl of your dreams that's the hardest part to tackle.   The evaluation   Get ready, because I'm about to say something you may not want to hear… Have you considered the idea that you may be attracted to the wrong people? Here's why I ask. Self-Seeker says he has no problem attracting people when being goofy and outgoing; in other words, when being true to himself, but that he's not interested in those people. Well why not? Not only do they like Self-Seeker for who he really is, but Self-Seeker obviously feels comfortable enough around them to let his true colors shine through. He's actually at his best around these “undesirables”, and isn't that, after all, what we all look for in our perfect partners — someone who thinks we're great, and who we can be great around? Think about it. And if you still feel like they're just not the right kind of girls for you, then you'll have to take this final leap.   Fake It   For those of you who have read my other columns, this advice may look familiar, but it bears repeating. When all else fails, and you just can't seem to rise to the occasion in a genuine way, you've gotta just fake it till you make it. Here's what I said in my “Shy Girl” article… “… Come up with an image of who you think the coolest, sexiest person would be and how they would approach the object of your affection. What would they say? How would they act? Then, envision yourself as that person, and go through the motions. Make sure you have it all down before you approach your guy or girl (practice in the mirror if you have to), and then go for it.” In other words, you know you're funny and smart and charming, but until you can actually be that person in front of your boyfriend or girlfriend-to-be (hey, I'm being optimistic), put on an act. Just think of it as a temporary tool to help you get your foot in the door. Because I would bet that once you're in, the super-fabulous-and-always-funny-you will come shining through.

May 5, 2021
by eharmony
Is a Good Korean Man That Hard to Find?

Is a good Korean man that hard to find, or is it sometimes where we are looking? In our brothas’ defense, there are plenty of good, strong, loving and hard-working Korean men out there. You know, the ones who proudly take care of their families, ones who go to work every day so they can provide and even ones who may be struggling to find a job, but aren’t allowing a lack thereof to take anything away from their responsibilities.     The truth is, sistas, that sometimes we want a man to come with our list of criteria already filled; but if he were to hold you to those same standards would you even pass your own test? By making a list of what you want you may be really passing up what you need.   What’s the difference? A want list has criteria that look similar to these: someone who makes (fill in the sum you desire); 6′2″; 180 pounds; brown-skinned; light eyes; goes to church every Sunday; and comes with no baggage. All of those things are conditional, superficial and variables – meaning they are likely to change at any time. Just because someone is making a certain amount of money now doesn’t mean they will be later. This economy is unstable and it’s getting worse. While you’re looking for a man in a 6′2″ package, 180 pounds, wrapped in brown skin and topped off with light eyes, you may miss the special delivery you were about to get in a 5′8″ package, 280 pounds, with dark-skin and dark eyes. Just ’cause a brotha goes to church every Sunday doesn’t mean they have a relationship with God, and we all have baggage, some of us more than others. So if you don’t want to deal with his, don’t expect anyone else to want to deal with yours.   A “need” list looks a little different and list things such as: love, patience, understanding, honesty, companionship, a relationship with God and willingness to accept you as you are. Those things are unconditional and won’t change if either one of you gains a little bit of weight or is laid off from work, or if you perhaps have crazy relatives he’ll have to deal with.   We do have choice in the matter, and for most of us our bad experiences with men come from the choices that we made, but not always. What’s important is that you don’t hold a good man accountable for a bad man’s mistakes. That will always prevent you from finding true love.   Let me let you in on a little secret, for those who are really looking for a good single Korean man. True love ultimately has to be found within yourself before you can love someone else.   Practice the latest phenomenon, the law of attraction. That means that what you see for yourself and what you put out there is what you will get back. If you don’t value yourself, then don’t expect him to; and if you don’t love yourself, then how can he?

Nov 10, 2020